Dora the Adored - Celebrating Your Misunderstood Ancestors

Are you afraid to air your ancestor’s dirty laundry?

Do you believe that you might be judged by telling your ancestor’s scandalous past?

Or will you be the family hero by lifting the shroud of shame that has plagued your family for generations? Could a simple act like putting your ancestor’s story into historical context be the secret?

I never dreamed that Dora’s story would have such an effect on so many people! She is now officially DORA the ADORED!

A Flood of Emails

I was flooded with emails after last month’s blog, Dare to Air Your Ancestor's Dirty Laundry. If you missed it, you’ll want to read what prompted such a reaction in so many people. It turns out there is a lot of you out there who felt compelled to share your own family’s dirty laundry.

I heard about scoundrel grandfathers who had secret families just blocks from each other and another with two families on each end of the railroad system. I read confessions of ancestors who were horse thieves, murders and a prison escape artist who was finally taken down and killed by the police. Ironically, the wife sued the police for “wrongful death” and lost.

Along with the intriguing ancestral revelations, I heard a resounding applause of admiration for our dear “distracted lady”. And that’s BEFORE I revealed her admirable qualities!

Dora ROCKS!!!”

“Gotta love Dora”

“I wish I could have met her.”

Dora is now truly adored! I mentioned in my last blog that during my week-long research trip, I found several of Dora’s admirable qualities. Yes, that was my primary goal – to put aside the terrible reputation she had for nearly a century and search out Dora’s good points. I’ll reveal those in just a minute, so please stay with me until the end.

But first, I want to share with you another ancestral confession…

A Compelling Book

A Lie Will Suffice - A DiGiovanni Family History by Jay Wilkinson

What if you discovered your family had close, personal ties to the mafia which involved extortion, kidnapping and murder? AND you were a sitting federal judge?

Jay Wilkinson’s, recently-published a book, "A Lie Will Suffice: A DiGiovanni Family History" is a fascinating must-read. It has a laundry list of shameful truths, including criminal trials, bootlegging and even a secret burial in the family’s New Orleans vault. It is a glut of buried secrets which reads like a real-life Godfather movie.

Wilkinson, a personal friend of mine, shared his thoughts with me when I asked the question,

“What positive outcomes came out of you airing your family secrets?”

His response: “The support and contact I've received from the vast majority of extended family members in favor of what I've done to preserve the family stories and to correct some of the false ones that have been circulating for years.”

Navigating Through a Difficult Heritage

Many of us have trouble on how to navigate through a difficult heritage. What does it mean to have a skeleton in the closet? Every family has something embarrassing or shameful in their past, but talking about it and even celebrating those ancestors can be… well, therapeutic and perhaps liberating.

Not all “family secrets” should be revealed and paraded. Please use discretion!

Personally, I would not take the skeletons out of the closet If:

·       the person or their spouse is still alive.

·       the children or grandchildren are still alive.

·       it breeches confidentiality or involves legal consequences.

While some may believe that some truths are better left unsaid, others believe that the truth will set us free, make us stronger, and draw admiration and empathy from others.

Sometimes the ugliest or strangest aspects of the family history are a testament to how strong we are and what our family has overcome to become what we are now.

You can be that GENERATIONAL CHANGE!

Dora the Adored and Admired

As I stood at Dora and Jacob’s grave, a tall white, weathered sandstone shrouded column in Eastern Cemetery, Louisville, KY, I imagined Dora standing in that very spot in March of 1880.

Here she is… 42 years old and mother of 12, ranging from 23 years old to 7 months. I picture her standing in the early March cold shivering with 7-month-old David in her arms and watching her beloved Jacob being lowered into the ground. What must have been going through her mind at that moment?

My mind is flooded with questions… How did she manage taking on the large farm by herself? Had she fully recovered from the beer cart accident six years prior or was she plagued with chronic pain from her injuries? How did she manage seven minor children at that time?

During my quest to find the good in Dora’s life, I discovered some eye-opening things about her which made my empathy for her quickly turn into admiration.

·       She maintained over 100 acres of farmland on her own for over 20 years.

·       She helped her youngest son, buy a house in downtown Louisville. When he lapsed on payment, she sued him for the $41 remaining on the loan (equates to about $1500 today).

·       At 65 years old in 1902, she started selling off the 100 acres, worth nearly $750,000 today.

Even though Dora was said to have had an issue with alcohol, she managed to function well in the business world, raised her kids to be successful members of society and had the strong moral fiber to hold her children accountable for their actions.

To Quote Wilkinson

“I think my family's history is a testament to the positive outcomes that result from striving, growth and overcoming the socio-economic, cultural, historic, political, etc. burdens that all families face over the course of centuries of evolution. My family overcame its issues. Some never do.”

So beautifully put and in conclusion, I say…

Celebrate those colorful family members, put them into historical context without judgement and raise a glass to the Dora in YOUR family!

Yes, Dora ROCKS! Cheers to Dora the Adored!

May all your connections be happy ones!  
Rhonda